Dreams : Impian

Satu kali masa aku usrah gabungan dengan usrah lain, masa sesi taaruf, MC minta kita orang semua listkan dua ketakutan dan antara impian-impian masing-masing.

Every time I heard a word 'dreams' or 'impian', aku rasa sangat teruja nak beritahu dekat orang lain.

It was like, my eyes will spark like they never shine before.

My heart will go melting and become a liquid.

And my body will 'speak' at that time.

And my smile, will be wider than before.

I become a child who want to tell a story to her family.

I'll be soooo excited, over whelming, melting, and etc.

I don't really much care either I'm gonna achieve all dreams, 

But, telling all those dreams to others, is just enough.

So, during the session, I'd listed down two of my fears (and they cant believe one of them. pfft). Come on, guys. Everyone got their own fear and weakness.

And I've a tons or a bucket list of what I want to achieve in my live.

Some of our bucket lists, for sure, it can be in a long term or in a short term. It's okay.

But, be specific.

For example, I had a dream of become an artist.

What artist? An actress? Or a painter? Or a director? Or carpenter?

Everything can be called as an artist.

So, what kind of artist are you gonna be?

Here, I would like to list down several of my dreams or goals in this five years.

1. I want to graduate of my degree life.

This semester will be my final semester and I'm gonna finish this semester without extending it. Amiinnn.

Although this is my short term dream, doesn't mean I hate my degree life. My degree life is very wonderful, amazing, challenging, heartbreaking, overwhelming, and the list goes on (I should write about my degree life in another post I guess).

2. I want to learn more about painting, doodling, and sewing.

Honestly, I'm really into art when I was in school. I love drawing. I started to draw when I need to make a notes of Science subject. I draw the human cell, plant cell, structure of human ear, eyes, productive systems, heart, and everything which I learnt back in school. I found that, drawing make me focus. I can draw for several hours (but not more than three hours). I neglect my eating time to draw. Its feel...calm.

Back in May 2018, doodling is one of the way to release out my feeling. I had a bad week in May 2018, a week that I never had before. I cried almost everyday. I don't think it was depression (because I never been diagnosed with it). I'm sick physically (cold and cough) and mentally. Then, I drew. I doodled. I cried. I doodled again until my heart felt better. So, yea, I think it's one of the therapy that suitable for me every time my soul is nowhere to be found.

For sewing, it really hard for me to find a perfect blouse with my size. I'm small and short. But I like a big shirt, and ironless, and cotton. So, I think it's better for me to sew blouses by myself. Right?

3. I want to decorate our (my sisters and I) room.

I need to paint the wall again. Paint the door. Paint the bed. Paint the wardrobe (if abah allows me to do so). I need to rearrange books (we have a bunch of books. Like seriously A LOT).

This Oct, had been great as I declutter everything that we don't need. I called my sister (who currently not in Malaysia just to ask either she still need those blouses, shirts, jubahs, baju kurung. Pfft.)

4. I want to take IELTS test.

One of my dream is pursuing my postgraduate study in UK. I need to take IELTS test before I can pursue my study.

5. I want to pursue my study in postgradute. In coursework. OR. Getting a permanent/contract job.

For my studies, I've listed down several universities, several fields, several scholarships or loans that I can apply. It would be amazing if I can apply which university that I really want to pursue. But still, sometimes, I've doubt in pursuing study in oversea as I never been in oversea in my life. So, it may be the first experience ever.

For getting a permanent job, I really looking forward to get a job at an international company such as Continental Tires (I'd my internship there). Myself said that, it's really a good opportunity to have a secure job in international company as you can have a wide range of colleagues, wide range of languages, different types of cultures, and so on. But still, if there is a local company which go international, why not right?

6.  And, I want to take a dancing class.

*awkward*

I really love dancing. I know I have passion in dancing since I finished my high school. My aunty took me to a zumba class and it was really fun. Plus, I have a 'chance' to dance during my foundation. We need to dance to the song of Xi Shua Shua and Gummy Bear and it was really fun. I do care about my attitude and dignity (as sometimes we need to dance with guys and I'M REALLY NOT comfortable with that), but still, my heart go fire every time I watch choreography videos on Youtube. It's like, "I want to do this!!!!" especially they dance to my favourite song. Sooo goood!! 

So,

I can say those six dreams, is for my short term. Maybe, I want to achieve in this one or two years from now on. If I can achieve all of them, it will be amazing. Really amazing. 

Why I don't include marriage in my dreams?

I believe, marriage is a two sides commitment. I need to have someone whom I want to live with him, for the rest of my life.

I also believe, I need to be better, and he, will come into my life.

Without I realise it.

I know, I can 'use' my husband to achieve my dreams but still, I need to prepare a lot of things before I enter a new chapter of life.

Once, I prayed to Allah, "Oh Allah, hadirkan si dia di saat aku benar-benar sudah bersedia."

I don't want my marriage is because I want someone to be with me all the time.

I don't want him as a tool to achieve somethings (although it's a nice idea).

If you ask me what I want from a marriage, I'll say I don't know because I really don't know what I want. 

Maybe, masuk syurga bersama-sama. Gitchuw.

So yeah. This is the stop.

Peace yo. Salam ^_^